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Dana

I'm restless..I'm wild..i fall but i try I need someone to understand me

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[29 Mar 2005|03:08pm]
[ mood | thoughtful ]

so ive decided this is the end of the daynamulder journal era...this is where my journey ends.  my journal accounts of many wonderful and not so wonderful memories taht have ocured in the past 3 years, but its not me anymore.  ive always gaurded what i said because i knew others where reading and after a discussion with amber this weekend, i decided  that all ive been writing is a modified truth...how i wanted others to see me and how i wanted to look back and remember things.  this journal suited the old me just fine...but its not me anymore...im not daynamulder anymore...so im closing it now...its been fun...adios...
~Dana

4 |crying now

[24 Mar 2005|09:04pm]
[ mood | bouncy ]

so i was thinking i should write because i never do anymore...ive been so busy an dim never home and so much stuff is happenieng youd think this would be when i would want to write...so here goes..in no particular order...so lauren made the cheerleading team ..they had tryouts this week..shes exstatic.  i got my hair highlighted yesterday...everyone thinks i look like kelly now..i like that ..you like that?  that miesner acting/mirroring there...thatspart of my acting classes...i think im turning into a midtowner...all aside from the not taking a bath thing...ive been staying at arnolds alot...i believe we are unattatchable or something..i cant help it ..i love him.  and staying at his house is the most awesome thing in the world..ive become an emotional girly person...and thats scary.. but i like it...you like it??  wow i had a lot to say but ive gotten a mental block...grrr..oh well...i supose i shall write more later then...

1 |crying now

[14 Mar 2005|04:41pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]

so i guess i should write abotu my spring break seeing how it will be over in less than a few hours...tear:(  so it was my first spring break away from home in my college carreer...i supose ill start from teh begining.  tuesday i went to arnolds to stay with him because we were suposed to leave early wednesday..but more on that later...we all went to the co-op that night and did the acting class..it was fun however i was my normal timid self.  then there was seeing rob who i havent seen in a while and he didnt even speak to me and he wouldnt speak to arnold if i was standing with him so i was like so thats how it is..i didnt think it would come down to that really but the truth is as a group none of us care for him much anymore...yes i know i cant beleive im saying that but its true.  however we did watch his movie that night and yes i got cretid...production assistant dana hinkel...yay hehe production assistant meaning i helpd the tape for arnold...aww and thats how it all began hehe.  but yeah im on the credits and when my name came up i was like oh look thats me hehe..so then we all went back to arnolds place..all being brandie derick jarrod sabastian tim olivia me and arnold.  and of course it was everyones plan to get drunk ...so i was liek why not..well not really that wasnt my plan..olivia brought this watermelon flavored stuff and it didnt taste bad so i was like yeah ill drink that..i found i dont have a good tolerance for alchohol though..after 3 drinks i was mezmorized by the fact that the movement of my hand didnt quite match that of my brain.  thats when i started to really get out of it so arnold was liek come on your laying down and we went in his room  and im like im fine really so we went back and sabastian was sittin on the sofa and arnolds like here watch her so he sets me with sebastian and i end up cuddling with him cause i was jsut like duh..and then everyone started to get worried about me and tryin to make me eat stuff and everything this led to me going to bed and then puking my guts out..i seriouly thought i was gonna die..i woke up the next morning okay but i was like never again i promise and they were all like oh it wont be so bad adn i as like never again seriously...so yeah this wasa wednesday ..we were suposed to leave at 5 but we ended up leaving for new orleans at 2 that afternoon.  around 8 we finally got there and to my amusement brandie lived right off the bridge wheere dad kept getting lost when we went..that i found funny.  new orleans really wasnt that big of a deal..i mean we went to the market which i had already been too and we ate some good food but i was really jsut going to spend time with  arnold really..i wanted to see if we could spend multiple days together without killing eachother and we didnt.  it went extremly well.  and especially being that it wasnt a time realyl all physical time either however i think this is the first vacation ive been on where i took a bath every single day i was gone...its an old house we were just trying to save hot water by taking one at the same time hehe.  but the trip was full of great moments  liek walking in the french quarter at night and going to the d-day musuem..i mainly enjoyed taht to see how excited arnold got about it all..friday we spent the day moving all of brandies stuff out and junk like that...friday night was the amusing part.,..me and arnold had been sleeping on a sofa bed but being that it got put in the truck we slept on a matress where derick was sleeping...now that was fine we all went to sleep early...i kept having nightmares all night..and then i woke up to arnold punching me in the arm one good time and hes liek im so sorry i was having a nightmare and i was like it didnt even hurt its okay really..and then derrick woke up and said his hand was posessed at some point in teh night...the three of us woke up though at exactly 430 that morning..we came to find out of course..taht the house is haunted...dun dun dun hehe.  so we blamed it all on the ghost...we left at liek 6 saturday morning since we all got up so early...i was so ready to get home..i just wanted to be back in memphis even..ididnt feel good most of the time we were here cause of my stupid colon problems...thats so gotta get fixed...but yeah im not talkin about that..anyway saturday night we had a cookout at arnolds place ...and then we actually had our first litlte tift....but i dont even wanna think about that because while it was both of our faults  it was mostly mine...it came from me not being able to express myself and then i jstu got hurt by it all and was likewell leave it to me to fuck things up...and he knows that i dont say bad stuff unless im angry so he thought i was mad at him so he was really hurt and then i was liek no i tend to say bad stuff when im hurt too so we talked about ti all and came to an understanding it was all peachy...wonderfully peachy.  then sunday we all went to acting class...were taking it for 12 weeks...it should be interesting but i can see im going ot have some road blocks with it all.  but thats pretty much it..that was my spring break..i think the most wonderful part of it was just spending time wiht arnold..i find it hard to believe that as cold as i have been that i can love him so much...this was the first time in my life when ive gotten home from a vacation and really didnt want to be at my home...that must mean something....
~Dana

crying now

[03 Mar 2005|10:28pm]
[ mood | chipper ]

so im officially out of school for spring break...no school for multiple days...yay!!!!  so i had a realyl good day today when i go thome from school i decided to de germ my room and i completely cleaned everything and got rid of some stuff...speaking of that..i must say that my crab died yesterday he commited suicide...ill miss you mr crab...anyway..hehe..umm i talked to joni today which i was glad because i missed talking to her...then l took linds and laur to this program at school and i was liek sooo dont wanna go..anyway when we got there i saw jim and so i sat with him..we talked about the new play that mrs cross just now picked out..he was with his sis and aunt and his aunt was like dana is cute you need to go after her and hes like nuh uh shes too old for me hehe. and i wa sliek well youll be happy to know i actually have a boyfriend and he was like shocker and he was liek who is it and i wa slike one of robs friends and he was like oh wow hehe.  so anyway the program was amusing and kebscull was there and he got picked to dress up liek elmo and play a gitaur..me and jim took pictures it was amusing.  then when i was leavin mr parks came up and talked to me hes liek so you riding with your top down tonight..my car of course for those of you who dont know..and i was like oh no sir not to night..too cold hehe.  it was so odd i was voluntarily talking to people tonight and they were voluntarily talking to me it was great.  then i called mrs cross when i got home cause i had to know the official business about the play and what not so im gonna go see her tomorrow but jstu for first period cause shes busy..i was like i wanan come up tomorro if its okay and shes liek well i wont hav etime to visit ..meaning 4th period..and i wa slike i jsut ment in the morning hehe..ill leave and get outta the way i jstu wanna come say hi and see auditions.  so now im sittin here waitin to hear from arnold...he got outta class at 9 which i know..and i called him and hes like jarrods still at the house ill call you back...they must be cuddling or something hehe.  he needs to come on though cause i gotta get up at 6 to take a bath in teh morning grr...well i supose thats all for now:)
~Dana

crying now

[02 Mar 2005|10:55am]
[ mood | busy ]

only 2 more days of school until im out for spring break and im so looking forward to it...its going to be my first spring break vacation ever.  me arnold and derrick are going down to new orleans to help their friend brandie pack her stuff and move back to memphis and of course have seom fun while were there...im excited about it...grr i had a lot to write bout when i opend this an dnow i i have nothign to say..go figure
~Dana

crying now

[01 Mar 2005|04:22pm]
Me Love You Long Time by ruby mae
Your name
Your partner
You two areSoulmates
Your meeting was byLuck
They are yourShoulder to cry on
You are theirShining star
Your love willBe the epitome of what true love is
Quiz created with MemeGen!


oh wow hhehe
crying now

[22 Feb 2005|10:22pm]
[ mood | tired ]

so i was talking to arnold today online and we were talkin about how he was glad he didnt give up on me..and he says "you fought for me when i wanted to give up..out of fear"  and i was just like oh my gosh tahts the most mulderish thing anyones ever said to me...and hes liek really.. and i was like you remember how i said i was looking for mulder and he goes yeah and i go...i think i found him .  then he told me that he told one of his friends that i liked xfiles and his friend said that we were like mulder and scully and he thought that was ironic..its great hehe.  its all so wonderfully splendid.  aside from the splendidness...my father decided to pull me aside and have "the talk" with me.  and he was like i jsut want you to be safe adn not sorry.  kids are great and all but wait until you want them..i dont want you to be like youre mom..and i was jsut like oh wow...well i didnt say anything becausei was terribly embarrassed by the whole conversation.  but on that note..i think im going to bed..i gotta get up and do homework tomorrow..
~Dana

1 |crying now

[21 Feb 2005|10:24pm]
[ mood | happy ]

so i havent written in a while...i should update myself hehe...so arnold and i have been together for 2 weeks now...and what i find funny is i dont feel like i have to write ev ery little detail down of our relationship down..my thing is with arnold im so totally comfortable with him i feel like weve honestly been together forever...and yes this weekend was the begining of the monumental first saying of the L word...for a few days we both were like yeah i lurve you or something like that because we were like were not going to rush or anything like that...and we were layin on the sofa watching family guy and our eyes just met and he was like i love youand i was liek i love you too...its all so sureal to me..i mean i want to spend every single free moment i have with him and vice versa....hes so sweet and wonderful and no one has ever treated me as wonderfully as he does..and i love it! i have turned into a total mush fest.  but yeah so the weekend..he stayed at my house friday..and i stayed at his saturday..and teh great thing is that everyone around here loves him...i dunno i could see this developing into something very good....
~Dana

4 |crying now

[15 Feb 2005|08:37pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]

so i just went back and read my last post and my have things changed..it began thursday..i talked to arnold and heard his whole side of the story and thankfully we got to be friends again and speaking...because in actuality i did miss talking to him.  so friday when me and joni saw him and derrick at the mall soemthign jsut clicked inside of my head and i was like whats wrong with me im so stupid and hes so great.  so yeah...saturday was the casting call...we had so much fun only 4 people showed up hehe.  i ended up auditioning and not getting hte part hehe.  then after me arnold jarrod derrick tommy and morgan all went out for lunchwhich made 3 of us sick for some reason hehe.  then we all went back to arnolds to watch blue citrus hearts..morgans movie...and somehow arnold and i ended up playing handsies for the whole thing...and when everyone left i was like did you watch that and hes like no did you and i was like no hehe.  well i got the gist of the movie anyway.  somehow this led to him kissing me which is a shame that i dont even remeber how it happened ..this led to me actually spending the night at his house..which is characteristicly totally not me at all...but i enjoyed it.  so for valentines he took me out for dinner to j alexanders which is a very nice place...and he got me chocolate and a dozen roses...awww...and then after dinner we went back to his place where he actually made chocolate fondue for desert adn while it didnt turn hout how he wanted i thought it was perfect..its all so funny to me because i really have liekd him the whole time i was jsut really afraid that i was going to hurt him thats why i didnt want to be close but hes really so wonderful in every single way..he ssweet and passionate and kind and smart and attractive and sensitive adn a dozen more adjectivesi dunno i jsut hope it all works really.....and on anotehr note..i still feel like crap hehe
~Dana

1 |crying now

[06 Feb 2005|10:00pm]
[ mood | sick ]

ugh im sick..i hate being sick..today has been such a crap day...aside from the fact taht i got new underwear cause dad told mom she needed to get me some..so i finally got new drawers..and i go tosem socks..wow thats the highlight of my day..sad...so anyway rob calls me today to ask me what was up with everything yesterday..and from our conversation i gathered that everythign was pretty much off and cancelled especailly since he ended our conversation with if you need anything at all call me...it wasnt his usual closing for converastion.  so anyway i decided that i needed to talk to arnold to try adn get everything going again and straightened out..especially since i coudl knwo what all i needed to get done...so i called him like 6 times total and left 2 voice messages he finally called me back at 8 30 and pretty much admitted taht he was avoiding my call all day.  he wasnt upset on the phone but he was rather short.  so he went and put the flyers up today..so from his point of view everythings still on he jsut doesnt know if hes directing..so then i called rob back to see whats going on and he didnt answer his phone ..i mean i dotn even have a script and if im casting director i need a script so i can start thinking about the characters and what not...what a mess its all becoming..and yet i still enjoy it all...hmmm
~Dana

crying now

[26 Jan 2005|10:37pm]
[ mood | tired ]

so tonight was lindsays last basketball game for oakland school..its kind of sad..shes growing up really fast.  she came up to me befor ethe game and she seemed liek she was sad and was like this is my last game ever and i was like yep but you go out there have fun and do the best job you can because it is youre last and you dont want to regret anything..youll never be able to come back and do this over again and she jsut smiled and ran away and i felt like she got it.  and at that moment i think i got it too..you cant ever go back and you have to have fun and do youre best and have no regrets no matter what..no thtat i regret anything ive done as of lately but all of this makes since in my head to me.  ive actually had a good day...writing class is pretty fun especially since i have people to talk to...dr russlle now knows my name is daynuh which i enjoy:)  im fine until i get home and i have to listen to evryone talk to me.  mom doesnt say much really anymore...anytime dad talks to me now its some sexual talk about how guys are all dogs or i need to have some sort of contraception..im liek dude jstu cause im friends with these guys doesnt mean anything..and then the thing that really upsets me because its a blatant lie and i know it is how hes like youll never get anyone you want if youre too easy cause guys jsut leave you after that..which im sure is true for the most part but then hes like tahts the only reason why i married your emom was because she was a challenge unlike everyone else..and we all knwo mathmaticly speaking thats not true at all..not that im suggesting anythign i jsut wish he wouldnt use that as his reasoning because i knwo its not true.. then there trying to talk to my sister who i would actually liek to talk to about things and then she getrs frustrated..its like tonight i was tryin to say something and lauren said something about her boyfriend and shes like can we jstu stop all th talk about boyfriends its getting on my nerves...so im liek well forget that..lindsay seems to be the only one i can talk to around here..which seems a bit strange...and i can talk to joni now but i try not too hehe.  but i really am better..really :)  im jsut going to continue doing what i think i should and see how everything turns out..and with that i think im goin to bed..im still tired
~Dana

crying now

[19 Jan 2005|10:37pm]
[ mood | tired ]

ok so second day of school....i went in so ready to get at my teacher cause this si the dude that never remembered my name...but anyway...theres a few girls in there that i know and luckally its the ones that i liekd and talked too last semester so thats cool.  i talked to michela cause we realized that weve known eachother for 3 years today so it seems reasonable..s.o she tells me this story how shes alergic to oranges and her ex boyfriend decided to clean her car out with orange clean and she didnt know..so shes goin down the road an dalmost dies!! i was liek so you got rid of him after that and shes like yeah he said he forgot...hwo do you forget something like that hehe.  that would make a great story though!!! so anyway back to me...i sat at the back fo rthe room probped up aganst the wall because i figured he woudl think that was uncharacteristly me cause i always sit up front..anyway dr russell comes in and hes all like ok lets introduce ourselves so he gets to me and im all yeah im dana im a senior majoring in creative writing...and hes liek so dana youre one of the class veterans how many workshops is this for you now..and im like...he said my name right..wow.  so then at the end of class hes talking about what he expects of us and hes like if you talk in class and come all the time and do youre work you will get an A...and i felt like he was directly talking to me cause i never talked last semester and he never told us that..and then hes like and if i dont know youre name by the end of the semester..i guess its my fault..and he was lookin at me and i was like curses hes all nice now i cant be a crap head.  im sure he wasnt talking directly to me but i took it that way.  so maybe this class will be good this time.  but yeah so class was good..i had an epiphany today too..i was walking to class and i caught a glimpse of myself in a window and i was like oh my i look like an english student....im wearing an argile sweater for goodness sakes..it just somewhat surprised me i guess...i tend to do that sometimes...hmm im tired now
~Dana

crying now

[17 Jan 2005|10:40pm]
[ mood | bored ]

oh wow...i so gotta stop sayin that.  so i guess im finally going to write soemthing decent in my journal since i really dont feel like conflicted crap anymore...thank goodness.  so we finished the movie saturday...it was good day...all except the ending cause cole expected me to take him home and i didnt want to cause i wanted to stay and talk to arnold....and i wasnt too fond of cole's actions toward me..so yeah thats how goes that...but the movie stuff was fun.  umm sunday...dude i dont even remmber sunday.  i know linds spent the night...oh joni and i talked for a while to try and discuss our conflictions with one another...i guess its worked out..for now at least.  i love joni and joni loves me i guess.  but yeah thats all i remember about yesterday.  hmm today i dont remember too much either...wow whats wrong with me.  umm me and lauren talked abou tmaking a movie..she wants to do somthing and tape it.  i watched multiple episodes of xfiles.  then we went out to eat dinner with amber and her friend rose at this sushi place.  i must say it was quite good.  i liked it.  and i ate a lot too.  i could definately eat some more of that stuff.  amber seemed really nice..she is very much like me.  her and her friend reminded me very much of me and joni.  but she seems cool we didnt really get to talk much so tahts how taht goes.  on to more news...i go back to school tomorrow...grrr
~dana

crying now

[12 Jan 2005|09:39pm]
[ mood | complacent ]

i believe today has been teh most stressful of all...it all began at 8 this morning when linds calls me and is liek coem get me please so i go pick her up at school and actually go back to bed until 12..i was sleeping so good all night too..i fell asleep watchin xfiles and woke up t a whole different episode...so anyway i get up and im gettin ready to go to this meeting today ..well soemwhat ready i still wasnt sure if i was going or not.  anyway these people come out to buy moms car and they wanted to test drive it adn moms liek no i dont think so...so anyway the old man talks mom into it cause hes got good insurance. me and linds are in my room and i hear mom go they wrecked my car..and im liek what...and sehs like they wrecked my car...so i go to the door theres these two bumpkin guys who hit the old people..so i go out there and im like what happened and the old guy is like he passed me on the right..so i look at the guy and im like what the hell are you thinking any idiot knows you pass on the right..this isnt england or some crap...and mom jsut busts out laughing cause i used a profain word..i was extremely mad.  so everything gets taken care of ...dad finds out tonight that this dude was actually 40 years old...gave the poliece wrong info and what not..they wouldnt answer thier phone when dad called im liek use a cell theyll answer...and once again i was right...moms car isnt really that bad it does need a new front bumper but theres no frame damage...shes been crying all night...hmm very very bad day...but whats new
~Dana

crying now

[08 Jan 2005|10:13pm]
[ mood | bored ]

so i supose i should write about my weekend...lets see...me and joni decided to stay home last night cause neither of us really had any money...hmm maybe if we wouldve gone soemwhere i wouldnt have eneded up vomiting..more on that later..so anyway we decide to go and get some pizza...seemed liek a good idea...somewhere around 4 in the morning i start to get sick and im like oh my...so it passes and im okay and then at like 5 i put my retainer in and it must have hit the wrong little spot and i was liek oh crap...so i ended up vomiting in jonis little bathroom but at least i didnt make a mess...i seriously think that i may have gotten a tummy bug from something i ate or sumthing.  to make matters worse..i had to get up at 8 this morning to get ready to go to robs and my alarm goes off and i was like oh im not feeling so wellthats with only 2 hours sleep i get up...but i got up to go to robs anyway ...thinking the pain would eventually go away.  anyway im like the only girl over there today for the most part...his actor friends are quite cool..we got finished with most of the movie were doing the rest next saturday but late so i dont have to get up early at least..but yeah anyway..im such a dork caue they always make fun of whatever i say no matter who it is..we were at lunch and of course theyre playin kelly..everywhere i go i hear kelly ..anyway tims like oh my i cant believe that and im liek oh dont even back up of kelly and hes liek oh i dindt realize you loved her..and i was liek uhhhh uhh hehe.  al ot of the day was jsut funny..i didnt really do much or say too terribly much but i had a fun time.  everyone was gettin ready to leave and i was the only girl with like 9 dudes and they were all bein well...dudish adn arnold was like hey sorry if we offended you and i was liek it was an enjoyably offensive day...i thought it was really sweet that he said that though. he was definately one of my favorites for the day..hehe.  there all pretty neat people.
~Dana

crying now

[10 Sep 2003|11:18pm]
[ mood | thoughtful ]

so i was reading my friends journals and the xfiles journal is filled wih posts today on what the show ment to everyone so i thought what the heck why not write it in mine too. so why is everyone writing about the show now you may ask...it was 10 years ago today taht it first premered...lets go back...way back to ten years ago......
...i was ten..almost 11 years old and in 5th grade . lindsay was just 9 days old. it was a friday and i wanted to watch tgif like every other friday...but dad wanted to watch xfiles and i cried because i thought it was scary..this would go on for a few weeks until dad gave up on watching it...
....four years layter i was a freshman in highschool...i watched the simpsons every sunday like i had for the past 7 years and when it and king of the hill was over id take my shower..skipping xfiles because it jsut didnt appeal to me by themiddle of the school year and season i started watchin the last 15 minutes ...the first ep i remeber was redux 1 and was hooked...why?? i thought scully was great cause she was cute and confident and stuffand then someone called her dana and i was like oh thats so great..that was the very moment when i started brushing my hair to the side. after taht i watched every episode that came on tv and ordered all the tapes...and six months befor ethe movie came out i had already planned to be at the first performance...i knew every episode in order by number from the first to the movie..hooked can you say?
...tenth grade i went back to school on the first day dressed in a brown suit with red hair...i was determined to be the perfect epitome of scully.this was the year of season six. i wore heels and somethign scullish to school every day..i had more attention this year than anyother time in my life...lots of friends teachers knew i looked like scully and were impressed that i dressesd up everyday.and i got my first nickname...everyone called me scully...how convienient my name happens to be dana...life was good
..i stayed like this for all tenth and 11th grade...but then everyone began to think i was strange..it wasnt cool anymore..i was back to bein plain old spooky dana...most of hte friends left but fortunately the one who stayed was better than all together.
...by 12th grade i was back to dana again plain wiht brown hair ...season 8 was going on and baby will was born on the day i graduated...may 20, 2001. but i couldnt graduate leaving just as plain old me. i colored my hair red again and go the most recent scully haircut...it wasnt cute but i spent so much of my highschool life being like somoen i was determined to leave the same...and it was good.
...a very dreadful summer passed..i was going ot college and other things that were bad happened and all i had was saeason 8 rearuns to watch until the very long awaited season 9...many taped episodes were viewed during this time...
...finally i start college with the final season of xfiles...i watch the reruns now and im like i never saw that...it just didnt seem the same but i hung in there...crying when baby will left...crying when the lgm died...having a visual fit when i watched the truth...i rememebr watching it like when it was over it wasnt realyl over and as it ended and the credits rolled..all i coudl say was its over..thats it...it was sad. i would definately miss seeing david and gillian every week....
..i hate to admit taht something as fictional as the xfiles had such a big impact on my life as it did but its true...i started acting after i watched it and fell head over heels for gillian...she was the greatest infuence in my lifeever...i drive a red taurus cause mulder did in "drive"....i found my talent for writing from teh show...it saved me time and time again somehow...though i spent a good portion of my life impersonating scully and hopeing i would meet mulder..i feel that after it all..i know the real me a little better..and sure theres alot of idioscinchorcies that i picked up from mulder and scully and david and gillian but i think their good and whos to say what else has ocured because of xfiles..but hey the truth is always out there...we jsut have to know where too look..maybe there is hope..
~~fades out to black playing xfiles theme song~~
~Dana

7 |crying now

[09 Sep 2003|11:35pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

so i thougth id write tonight because i guess i dotn talk to much lately so here im talking to myself whihc ive always found to be a good thing..not hehe. so whats the business...school is okay as usual kinda boring really but isnt it always. umm ive started runing again which i really enjoy and doing pilates or however you spell it ...my tummy is hurting..but its really easy. im realy serious about all this this time though not like im in bad shape at all ..if i coudl jsut get rid of hte litlte tummy flub id be fine hehe. sooo what else..hmm oh tongiht i actually watched a show on tlc about transexuals with mom and dad and why is this such a thing...because mom watched it ...ya know how mom is..well yeah i do but anyway she said she foudn it interesting because she actually understands the whole trans gender thing now kinda and mom doesnt understand any of that stuff adn it does bohter me becuse i find myself to be very open minded and liberal and no one in my family is like that..well dad a little people dislike or make fun of things taht are different because they truly dont understand ya know..aand i think if we all took out time to try to understand people more it woudl be such a beter place and all...its liek im all for equality adn givng peopel a chance..i even try to understand the rednecks a little better...i jsut really dislike stupidity i guess...its liek kerry told me the other day that one of her friends asked her who the black girl was with her sister every morning and kerry told her that it was jessica...first of all whose business is it of anyones who I am with and second of all why couldnt she have jsut asked who the girl was...i mean i really took that offenceive because jessica is like one of my best friends and is the only friend that i have left that ive had since i was very little...i dunno it jsut kind of bothered me but then again it was kerrys friend what can i expect and then kerry got into a fight wiht a little 4th grader almost because he is muslim and was refusing to stay still durring hte national anthem..she was made that he believed his religion was the only ones going ot heaven and everyone else is going ot hell...doesnt everyone believe that though..everytone thinks that their own religion is correct and the others are wrong so because this child is muslim and is realyl believeing what he is told its wrong...children are som impresionable ...they do what they are told is right...its liek lindsay told me the other day taht i was gonna not go to heaven because i dont go ot church... i feel that you dont have to step into that building to be a religious person and believe...this is the impressions on little kids that im talkin about..kerry tells lindsay how evil her aunt dana is probably and says dotn do the things shes done when deep down i truly beleive i am a better person than some though i have made my own misakes but then again i could be wrong...maybe it is her own impression...how did i get on this topic from talking about being open minded?? i i dunno but all of a sudden its become to deep for me....
~Dana

crying now

[09 Sep 2003|11:10pm]
[ mood | bored ]

1. What size is your bed? twin
2. What do you wear to bed? tshirt
3. How many people regularly sleep in your bed? just me pembroke and ozzy...well their not people and then on the weekends the bed is on the floor so it ranges from 2 to 3
4. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? no
5. If you could wake up next to any famous person who would it be? hmm many but i wont say who hehe
6. What would have happened the night before? knowing me..sleep
7. How many people can comfortably sleep in your bed? actually in the bed...1
8. Who is the next person you would like to have in your bed with you? hmm no one i guess
9. What position do you go to sleep in? on my left side or stomach
10. What position do you wake up in? any
11. Have you ever woken up in a really weird position?only when i was little id be upside down or somethin
12. How many blankets/covers do you have on your bed? 2
13. Do you hog the blankets? no
14. Have you ever found your pillows on the other side of the room? no
15. When was the last time you fell out of bed? friday...but i was awake hehe
16. Do you have any strange bed habits such as sleep talking etc? i dont think so joni says i talk and i think shes lying cause she does hehe
17. Do you snore? hwen im sick
18. How’s about drooling? i didnt until i got braces
19. How many pillows do you have on your bed? 2
20. Do you tend to sleep with a fan? yes have to

crying now

[07 Sep 2003|11:24pm]
[ mood | confused ]

so abou a week ago at this same time i was writing about how joni mad em sad because of our whole discussion about how i dont live for myself and yadda yadda yadda...and at the time i was like oh whatever..but i think its really because i didnt want to except it and be proven wrong...i hate to be proven wrong by anyone and alot of tiems i think peoples views twards me are wrong and not really fair to me but the more i think the more i think shes right...its like yeah i do think im liek the greatest aunt in the world and all and i love linds and laur and i dont really think this is abou them ..i think its more of a thing that every since linds could dial a phone kerry would make her call me and get me to come over or liek the year linds started eating real food and could talk i gaind so much weight because shed make me eat over ther and then i had to come home and eat too. or like when im sleeping my one day to sleep in at jonis and they call me at 7 to wake me up to get me to come home. and alot of times i do like playing with them and i do go over thre alot of times on my own free will but i dont want to be made to fell guilty cause im doing somethign with my friends and not them. i think one reason i like doing stuff so much with them is because i never had family close to do things with..its liek i was looking in ym senior book and at all the stuff i got and i actually got more from jonis mom than i did from my aunts and uncles...its nice ...but it aint right hehe. hmm im guess im jsut saying that i dont liek the whole guilt trip thing..unfortuantely everyone i know is very good at laying a guilt trip on me when they need too hehe
i dunno i guess i had a kind of a revelation this weekend. i dunno why really...i think thers alot of stuff in teh world that id like to do but probably dont because i think too much about it but then again thinking too much can be a big help too...i guess its like theres things taht i need to to with jstu linds and laur and kerry and then theres the rest of my life where i should jsut forget about it hehe..,.i dunno i think im ramblign now and missing hte point even though i know what i mean so i give up hehe
~Dana

crying now

[03 Sep 2003|11:43pm]
thanks to _doubledreams for my new background!
crying now

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